Monday, December 7, 2009

baby names

Do you have any idea how hard it is to choose a baby name? And if you finally find one that you and your spouse like, then you run it by your friends/family or even complete strangers that ask and you get slammed by them! I guess my advice would be to keep it to yourself but I'm waaaayyy too excited for that. So this is what's in the running right now...

BOY NAMES: William Chase (call him Will), Samuel Chase (call him Sam), Eli Chase, and Liam Chase.

GIRL NAMES: Elisabeth Anne, Kathryn Anne, Avery Anne and Cadence Anne.

I personally am not totally crazy about the girl names but maybe that's cause I already have two girls that I have named or maybe it's cause deep down I hope I won't have to use those names!!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Pitter, Patter, Pitter, Patter!!

It looks like that's what my family will be hearing around the first of August!! We are expecting a baby!!! Isn't that EXCITING?? We couldn't be happier. We found out initially Thanksgiving night. So that was perfect. I am sooo thankful to be given the opportunity to have another baby growing inside my tummy. Due to the circumstances in my life at the time that I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, Autumn, I was emotionally miserable. So miserable that I honestly don't remember a happy time the entire 9 months except maybe taking Bailee, who was 2, to the beach for the first time. I was incredibly hostile. And after Autie was born, I mourned that pregnancy. I was so sad that I had wasted the incredible experience. I went on to work on a labor and delivery unit and I saw so many happy couples who genuinely cared about each other and were so happy to see their new babies brought into the world. I saw husbands doting on their wives and I became even more sad. I didn't think I would ever experience a pregnancy or a birth like that. But now I get a re-do, sort of. I get to make the most of it this time. And best of all, I get to share the experience with a great man who is the most loving and caring person I have ever met. I get to share it with someone I am in love with and someone who loves me right back.

On top of all that good stuff, we gave the girls the good news when they came back from their Thanksgiving trip. Chase gave them fortune cookies for an after-school snack and the fortune read "you're going to be a big sister" for Autumn and "you're going to be a big sister again" for Bailee. Except Bailee ate hers. Then she cried. Then she laughed. Then she asked when she could babysit. And Autie just jumped up and down and clapped and hugged and kissed us both and told every neighbor that was outside at the time. Then we watched a little video online that showed how the baby grows for the next nine weeks. There were a couple of "eeewwws" but mostly just giggles. It was a great moment.

And I am so very happy.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving

Today started as a very emotional Thanksgiving for me. I have so much to be thankful for (don't we all?) but I was a little sad. It was my first Thanksgiving married to Chase and we got to host it at our house that I am so proud of. But it was the girls' turn to spend the holdiday with their dad. So sharing the holiday with them meant only a telephone conversation earlier this morning. I don't know about you, but a holiday without my children is hardly a holiday. It just is not the same. But we had a nice dinner and a nice visit with my in-laws and my new niece who is almost a year old and such a gorgeous, happy baby. But at the end of the day I was still feeling a little "empty". Until.............................

Can't tell you! Not just yet! But soon, I hope!
Happy Thanksgiving!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

dreams


So I haven't been sleeping very well at night. Ya know, waking up every hour or so. And I have been having reeeeaaaallly crazy dreams. One night last week I dreamt I was at work at my old job and my mouth felt weird. So I went to the mirror to examine it and realized that I had an additional tooth growing in on the bottom left, second from the middle tooth. I was like a shark, growing rows of teeth! So, in my dream I pulled the tooth that was in the back. And suddenly the other tooth just fell out! So I went from having two teeth in that spot to NO TEETH in that spot! I was horrified and distressed and when my husband woke me up I was using my tongue to fill in that spot to see if it was real! So he is laughing at me and I tell him about my dream. Then we both have a good laugh and compared me to a few of the toothless residents in the county we live in (unfortunately there are quite a few). And he tells me that he saw Stephenie Meyer, the author of the Twilight series, on Oprah last week. He excitedly tells me that it was a dream she had that inspired her to write the books. Then he says "Babe, you're a good writer. Maybe you should start writing stories about your dreams then we could be rich like that Twilight lady!" I just laughed and said "Sorry honey, but I really don't think they are going to want to make a major motion picture series about a toothless, bra-less, little-Richard-hair lady from Grayson County!"

(have to tell the Little-Richard-hair story some other time, but the pic above is from our honeymoon and it's a teaser for the story)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

we are what we think


I attended two friends wedding earlier in the week. It's the first wedding I have attended since my own six months ago. It's funny...I had been married before but didn't have a "wedding". We were married alone in a foreign country with a proverbial "shotgun" looming. So I loooovvveed my wedding to Chase. First of all, it wasn't just a wedding. It was a big party celebrating the beginning of a new life for both of us. And it was nearly perfect. But somehow since that day, instead of enjoying our new life and new beginning, I have been battling old demons that I seemed to have carried with me from my previous marriage. Just this past week I have been able to pinpoint what my actual problem is. My dear, sweet, amazing husband has been worried that I don't trust him because it probably comes across that I don't when nothing could actually be farther from the truth. What I have come to realize is that it really has nothing to do with him as a person at all. You could take him out of the equation and plug any average Joe in and I would be dealing with the same emotions I have since we married. I'm sure most people in their second marriage, and especially people who have been through an emotionally abusive relationship, feel this way but may not even realize it. It's not Chase that I can't trust....what plagues me is that I fear I can't trust myself. And I don't mean that I am not trust-worthy. I just am afraid to trust my own judgement. To people who have never been in a disrespectful, abusive marriage or relationship, you may not understand this. And you are lucky. It all boils down to this: I, through a series of bad decisions, chose my ex-husband. I married him. I stayed married to him for almost 8 years. And I listened as he verbally and mentally and emotionally abused me. And even the most confident person can be broken or at least take a severe hit to their ego. There were many times he told me that this behavior was normal in a marriage. And I started to wonder if I were the crazy one and maybe he was right and I had been living in a fairy tale all along with my expectations. Many people wonder how I ended up with him in the first place. I wish I could be an outsider looking in and answer that question. Even more people wonder why and how I stayed with him as long as I did. The only answer I have to that is that I had two little girls and I believed that marriage was meant to be forever regardless of the situation. I still believe that. But not regardless of the situation and no one should ever stay in an abusive relationship.

So maybe now you can see how and why I question my judgement. It's a hard thing to wrap your brain around because I KNOW how wonderful Chase is. I KNOW he would rather die than to see me hurt in any way. And I trust him more than I could ever trust another human being. He is my better half. And I will spend the rest of my life with him without a doubt.

So back to the wedding...the minister wrote the vows for my friends. And he was talking about the trying times in a marriage and advising on how to get through those times. I'm sure I will butcher his verbage but it went something like this "we become that which we think of all day". Meaning, if we think negativity we will become negativity. And I was bringing that into my marriage with my constant paranoia. And it was toxic.

So now when I have those insecure moments, and I have no doubt that over time they will decrease but I don't know if they will ever go completely away, if I think of all the ways my husband shows his love for me. And I think of all the ways I love him. And all the good we do for each other. Then that's what I become. And all of that negativity fades away and just seems silly.

I read a book once called "love is a decision". It is a great book and I do think that love is a decision. Of course, a little chemistry sure doesn't hurt. But our relationships are what we make it. And we teach each other how to treat each other. And I am so thankful for my many blessings and for Santos and Lisa for reminding me how lucky I am. And thanks to God for showing me how to be quiet and listen to Him. Because it's all just a lesson in Faith.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

random

I have been up and down today. I started a new job a little bit ago and I was pretty excited to go to a facility that I really like even if it is a little more of a challenge for me. And I hung in there pretty well most of the morning, even though I was struggling with my battle of stifling my insecurities about a certain recurrent issue lately (that's a whole other very unflattering blog). I definitely earned my money today at work and then hit horrible traffic on the way home so I had to call my neighbor and have her snag my children at the bus stop for a few minutes until I got home. And somehow during that commute a windfall of jealousy/depression/sadness/anger at myself for feeling all of the above came over me. I missed my husband. I wanted him to be home when I got home instead of working at his job that is at times hard for me to understand. It's the weirdest thing! At the same time that I completely adore him for what he does and he is a true hero in my eyes and I "get" that he has a very special gift that makes him capable of what he does, I struggle with the lifestyle and resent it for the time he is away and sometimes it is even difficult to deal with the people he spends that time with. Today was one of those days. So as I was driving, I get a text from my husband that he was going to be flying directly over me within minutes. So I pulled over and watched for him and low-and-behold there he came over the horizon. I actually teared up when I saw him. We were texting each other. He saw me and I saw him. And I just needed that. Right then.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

babies, babies, babies!!

OK, so why does it seem like everyone in the world is pregnant right now except for me?

That's all...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Women

You know October is breast cancer awareness month and I just want to take this opportunity to appreciate some of the extraordinary women in my life. So here's to the women who helped (are still helping me) become a woman.

(in memory of) Lillie Belle Cain--my great-grandmother--greatest Christian woman I have ever known and will probably ever know. I miss her hands and her deep laugh. She taught me to sing to my babies and how to enjoy the plenty's that the earth gives us.

(in memory of) Dorothy Prosser Crowe--my grandmother--she rode stunt horses in p.t.barnum's circus before it was barnum & bailey's in California. She taught me that life is too short not to enjoy yourself. And it is because of her that I know what a house full of children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles and cousins sound like at Christmas.

Deborah Darlene Crowe--my mom--she taught me what it meant to overcome your circumstances and accomplish what everyone says you'll never be able to. She taught me that things won't always be handed to me and I would appreciate my accomplishments more because of it. She taught me to hold my head up and be proud of myself.

Diane Marie Bandel--a childhood friends mother--taught me how to act like a lady. She taught me that rules keep children safe. And by raising her son the way she did, she taught me what to look for in a husband. (I finally got it right this time, Dee).

Annette Watters--a Fredericksburg co-worker--she made me love that I am a woman and that God created this body beautifully with the ability to bring little miracles into this world. She taught me childbirth is a beautiful thing and something to be embraced and treasured--not endured with suffering.

Megan Lee Jackson--a very close friend and young mother--that strength comes from within. She also taught me that good things CAN happen to good, deserving people. And she taught me to embrace my amazing husband by embracing her husband and being a positive influence for every couple they come into contact with.

Jamie Brawner--a very good friend--she taught me to just be upfront and honest from the get-go! She also taught me by example that God will never give us more than we can bear. She is showing me how to be-friend my children and to laugh loud and hard at their quirks.

Tammy Miller Jones--my crazy friend--taught me how to have fun again. And she had a hand in introducing me to my husband so that's a bonus.

Regina Sweetin--friend and co-worker--just be you and she had a major roll in introducing me to Chase.

Joy Daniel--my BFF--what it really means to have a sister, and to be a sister.

(in memory of) Sheila Anne Schriewer--my mother-in-law--because I wouldn't be the woman I am today without my husband's constant support and encouragement.

Last but definitely not least--my two little girls. They remind me every day that it's not about me. They are the future. They tell me I am pretty and have taught me what unconditional love is. And at least right now, they think I am the coolest.

I am so thankful for these women and the diversity of them all and I love each and every one. My life wouldn't be as sweet without each and every one of them. So this month when you see the pink ribbons, think about the amazing women in your life. And let them know how you feel.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

sadness

So this is another rather bleak blog. The rain outside goes away and somehow my house has become dreary. Go figure.

Tonight was a big night for Autumn. But not in a good way. Her class has been preparing for the elementary schools' fall festival that is going to take place this Saturday. It is an all-day event. Autumn, being the second child, really doesn't act very independently in her interests. Usually, she goes with whatever her big sister wants to do and is content to tag along and let Bailee run the show. Except for when it concerns fall festivals, apparently. She was soooooo excited about this one. And she was really bummed when she realized it coincided with her weekend to go to her dad's for his visitation. So she asked him weeks ago if he would come up here and take her and he never gave her a straight answer. I know that he at least considered taking her because he asked me what he should do. I, of course, told him it was his decision but that she doesn't ask for much and she is pretty gung-ho about this one. Making a long story short, he emphatically decided this week that he was not coming all the way up here for a fall festival. This news was broken to Autumn last night. And while she acted ok to him on the phone, as soon as she was off she asked me to call him back and ask to keep her here so she could go. Which I did. To no avail. And tonight when he called she asked him again to go. And she got in trouble. And she asked me to plead her case again, which I did, and again he said no. So after she got off the phone with him for the final time tonight I asked what he said. We were standing in the kitchen. She said quietly without making eye contact, "he said no" and shrugged her shoulders like no big deal and said "so I guess that means I'm not going". Then she looked at me and her chin bunched up and her eyes filled with quiet, sad tears. And I dropped to my knees and held her and couldn't help it, but I started to cry too. Life is so unfair. I will never forget her sweet face as she tried to be brave even though her little second grade heart was broken with disappointment.

So what's a mom to do? What will cause her the least pain in the long run? I wish I knew....

Monday, October 19, 2009

disappointment

I am finding a theme that spans the last few days of my life. The theme is a sad one but one we all have to come to terms with from time to time. Its our old friend disappointment. I think that disappointment comes from having expectations. And also because we forget that our peers, friends, family, spouses are all human beings. I experienced this intensly with someone very close to me this weekend. I expected a certain response from this individual and was met with the opposite. I was devastated. Sincerely devastated. I was met with some other old friends of mine. You probably know these guys, too. The first one that jumped to the rescue was "hurry, run the other way. Just get out of this situation now before you have to endure more disappointment." Followed closely by "you should have known better than to try to trust someone. Never trust anyone. Ever." And then good old anger took hold. So I slammed a door and stomped around a little. Had a few mad, hot tears come down. Then my least favorite of all and the one I try the hardest to avoid at all costs--even if it means I don't experience everything I would like to experience in life--and that's "now don't you feel stupid. Stupid for believing in this person in the first place. Stupid for getting so comfortable and letting your guard down. Stupid for crying now. Stupid if you stay in this situation and stupid if you go." And I went back and forth through these guys most of the weekend. And deep down I knew I was right and wrong at the same time. Then I realized that I had disappointed the offending individual as well. Then I wondered why I thought my feelings were more important than their feelings. Then a little bit of a calm came over me and I realized this must be how God feels when we fail him. He knows we are going to (like deep down I knew my person would eventually somehow, some way) and I am sure He is hoping we will get it right this time. But we don't. I didn't. My special person didn't. We let Him down.

That process takes...however long...but what takes longer is recovering from the disapointment. That is where I really need Gods help. And just as I am sitting here typing this it hits me. Its love. Unconditional love. That's the recovery process. See, this is new to me. I had a significant previous relationship that left me with loads of disappointment. After a while, I didn't even have expectations of that person. But I also didn't have unconditional love for that person. And that is why it is a "previous" relationship.

I am a work in progress. We all are. I watched my little daughter deal with disappointment tonight. And I thanked God that He gave me a crash course this weekend so that I could show her sympathy. I know that she will be disappointed many, many times in her life. But I hope that through my example she will know what unconditional love is. And I hope she will learn to trust and not be a prisoner to fear like I was for many years. Because life can be sooo sweet when you choose to feel and chose not to fear.

Monday, October 12, 2009

mom's brag book

Weird day today...just blah most of the day. Prolly the miserable weather. I am soooo tired of all the rain!

Highlights of my day...getting the girls out of the car to notice that Bailee had her lunch bag with her. Usually if they are going to bring their lunch I have them make it the night before because mornings are just waaaayyy too crazy, what with all the "whatamigonna wear drama" and "do i really have to eat that for breakfast" and the reruns of Saved by the Bell that Chase got them addicted to. Don't laugh. OK, laugh. But my nutrition conscious health nut kid took the initiative to pack her own lunch this morning! Autumn, of course, goes to school hoping all day she's gonna get chicken fingers, pizza, mac-n-cheese, or, HARK! all of the above?? Once she even ate breakfast at home AND at school!

Second highlight...really sweet note left on the counter this morning from Autie. I will quote for full effect:

"hi mom I really what to see (with a backwards s) you. When you come home and I am there I what to snugl with you. Autumn"

Hope she makes a good grade on her spelling test tomorrow!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Chase

I know, I know...two blogs in one day. But I do my best "blogging" when Chase is at work. This one started as I was getting the girls into the shower. Chase is a super neat-freak which is annoying and wonderful all at the same time. When we first started dating, the girls were 8 and 6 years old. They were coming out of a very trying first year of life as kids of divorced parents. I had always been a stickler for bedtimes, nutrition, schedules and organized activities. But as guilt from the divorce and plain old fatigue wore me down, I sacrificed some of those things and let them get away with old bad habits (Autumn sucking her fingers) and developed new bad habits (not picking up after themselves, eating crap for dinner because it was easier, etc). So you can imagine that us three girls had to re-adjust and re-learn things when we all came together as a family. So, little by little Chase has reformed us into good law-abiding, bathroom cleaning citizens who follow a routine and get to bed on time every night. Just a few of the reforms include: no more finger-sucking for Autumn, beds made every day, muddy shoes left by the back door, towels hung up after a bath, bodies towel-dried and pjs put on IN THE BATHROOM instead of streaking while still dripping wet through the house, and Autie will AT LEAST attempt every food on her plate without tears or wretching (that was a BIG one folks). And all of this is because of the effort Chase had put forth. I can take absolutely no credit whatsoever for this turn-about. And the most amazing part of it all is that he has never had a child of his own. And he is the youngest child in his family with no little brother or sister to look after. He took us on with no real prior experience and puts me to shame with his parenting abilities. And as proud as I am of him for all of his effort, my happiness turns to sad when I remember that he is not their real dad and that although the girls love him and respect him, he never holds that honor in their eyes. Maybe someday when they are older they will appreciate him for the role he plays in their life as a father. He taught Autie to ride her bike without her training wheels and once she learned it was him that went and bought her a big-girl bike. He gets them up every morning that he is not at work to make them breakfast and see that they get on the bus. He makes dinner every night. He was right there when Bailee had her surgery and picked her up and put her in the truck afterwards to take her home to the house that is now ours together but that he opened up to us graciously. He schedules his hunting trips around theirs and my schedule which means he doesn't get to go very often. He sacrifices constantly, but they still call him "Chase". The surgeon that operated on Bailee asked me afterwards if he had adopted the girls because he is so involved in their lives. I told Chase about that and he said "well I wonder what we would have to do". Of course, it would require that their biological father sign over his rights, which is unlikely. And as I was signing the one of the girls names to a paper for school, along with my own and he saw the difference in the last names, he asked "do you think they will ever want to change their names [to match ours]" and I told him that would most likely require the adoption procedure and the slim chance of that occurring.

I understand that the girls have a dad and that no one will ever take his place. But it seems only fair that there would be another term of endearment that was just as honorable for a man like Chase. And more than anything I want us to have another child that will bear his name and will call him what he already is to the girls, even if they can't yet see it. Daddy.

My favorite blogger

I don't know if any of you watch Oprah (I usually don't, by the way) but my favorite blogger "nienie" was making an appearance on her show yesterday so I planned my day around finally seeing one of my heroes in action. First of all, if you don't know who nienie is, you have got to check her out here on blogspot. She is AMAZING! I was so impressed with her yesterday. Long story short, she began on here as a stay-at-home mom who cherished every day with her family and wrote touching, sometimes funny stories about her life as a wife and mom. But tragedy struck and she survived a plane crash with her husband that turned her life upside down and she sustained burns to 80% of her body. I came across nienie at a time that I needed to see something positive in the world because I felt that all around me was so much negativity and immorality. I felt like it was in my face at work, in every piece of media that I let in my life and I was being brought down by it all. Luckily, I always have a safe-haven at home with my husband and daughters but I needed some encouragement that there is some positive influence out there. My sweet friend Jamie, a God-send in so many ways, turned me on to stephanie nielsons blog and it changed the way I looked at so many things. She makes you want to cherish the small stuff, love with every ounce, forget the superficial, be less vain, keep trying harder and so much more that I have trouble verbalizing. She just makes me want to be more, try harder, be better. She will surely have a beautiful crown in heaven. Thank you nienie! You are beautiful!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Bailee Rian

My Other Daughter

Some of you, most of you, know that I have two daughters and it seems that Autumn has been getting all of the "blog-love" from me lately. So I thought I would share some spotlight with my eldest, more complicated child. Bailee is 9, about to be 10, and is beautiful. She has the blondest hair that I would have DIED for when I was a child/adolescent. She has the biggest eyes and long, perfectly curled eyelashes. And she is perfectly tall and willowy, again, something I am not. She is smart and very deep-feeling and sensitive. At times she and I don't communicate very well and that makes me sad. There are times that I feel extremely close to her and I remember how innocent and attached to me she was when she was younger. And there are times that I think I have a foreign exchange student living in my house. But she is my first-born and there is something magical about that. I am unbelievably proud of her, even if I don't always understand her. She loves to read and in that I can see a tiny glimpse of how I was at her age. And she wants so hard to succeed. She has recently found a liking to boys, which scares me and excites me. I hope we can have long talks in the future and I am ready to have hot chocolate ready when she gets her heart broken (as my mom did for me). I can't wait to see the woman she will become and the kind of mother she already looks forward to one day becoming (after college she assures me). She is so much a part of me and so many things I will never be. She is a challenge and a great investment. Her mind is NEVER quiet. In kindergarten, she had such a hard time quieting her mind and going to sleep that I made her chamomille tea at bedtime. She was my first true love.

So my bright, beautiful daughter is having a minor surgical procedure tomorrow morning and I am hoping that everything will go smoothly. Bailee has a complicated life since her father and I divorced and I just want her to be relaxed and to know how loved she is. And I can't wait to see her bat her sleepy eyelashes after the whole thing is over and done with. So then I can bring her back to her safe little room in our safe little house. After I give her whatever her heart desires to eat, of course!

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

learned something new today

So I was sitting on the couch tonight with the laptop on, well, my lap and Autumn is sitting beside me with her new marble game we bought at target for $3.00. She is explaining to me how to play this new-found treasure and I am half-listening, half-facebooking. After a few minutes and a couple of questions that I don't answer correctly she growls and says "MOM! You are not listening and I am trying to teach you how to play my game! You are doing THAT and you are not going to learn anything from THAT!!" Point made. Logged off. Laptop closed.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Putting a face with the name



And what a face it is!! My Autumn Casey!

Autumn, again

Last week during a family trip to Wal-Mart, I excused myself from my brood in front of the deli and went to the ladies room. When I returned, I could tell that trouble was brewing. Bailee and Autumn were both looking at me and pointing at each other and I could tell that Chase was already "over it" and was directing his attention to the meat counter. ("over it" in our house means that you've had enough, btw). Immediately the girls are verbally stumbling over each other to tell me that "Autumn said the a-word" and "No, I didn't BAILEE!" Shake it, stir it, mix and repeat for the remainder of our time in the store. So I finally said "let's just drop it; its one's word against another and I am sure that if Autumn said a bad word then she certainly would not make things worse by lying to me about it". End of story. Or so I thought....



After saying prayers (which she raps and ends each session with "word" and throws gang symbols), Autumn confesses. "Mommy, I might have accidently, not-on-purpose said the a-word at Wal-Mart." Upon further investigation I learned that she had not only said the a-word but also smacked Chase on the bottom in the middle of the deli while saying the word in question. My weary reply to her was something like "thank you for being honest with me" and I am certain that the word "inappropriate" was mentioned a few times. Bailee uses that word frequently when talking about her younger sister. Like the time she questioned the way Autumn rapped her prayers, ending with "word". I simply explained that God made her little sister and therefore knew better than either of us what kind of little person she is and he probably appreciates the joy she takes in her prayers. And furthermore, how more appropriate can you get when praying than to end it with "word"? God IS the Word! The Word is Truth! So I am certain that my inappropriate child is as close to God as they come!

WORD!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Autumn

You probably think that I am going to write about how the fall season is coming on and you can almost smell it in the air....but I'm not. I'm going to write about my crazy, fun, can't-help-but-speak-her-mind child, Autumn aka Autie.

So Tuesday was opening day of dove season and I married a hunter. We still had dove in the freezer from last year and since it is some kind of tradition (???) to eat what you kill the first day, he wanted to clean out and cook up what we had on hand. Which meant Monday night the girls and I had to eat dove for the first time. I myself am a little nervous about how this is going to turn out because Chase is a little sensitive about his cooking and Autie is a little in-sensitive about her opinions of food. Chase, being the ever-so-patient man that he is, knows this and attempts to prepare her for the food she is about to receive. It goes like this...

"Girls, tonight you are going to eat DOVE! That I SHOT!!" Chase says triumphantly.

"You shot the chocolate??" Autie says confused and slightly bewildered.

There you have it.

BUT she did eat the dove (not the chocolate kind) AND she asked for seconds! Success!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Let me just tell you how my day began. It started with a late night return from seeing the girls this weekend who are still in south texas for a summer visit. So, naturally I was unorganized and only wanting to go to bed and think about all the laundry I would have to do tomorrow. And Chase had to work in Decatur today, which is about an hour and a half away. So, he heads off to work about the time I am getting in the shower. I get dressed, have some coffee WITH tiramisu creamer instead of the fat-free stuff and after getting my lunch ready I start out the door. Wait! I can't find my jeep keys! Looking, looking, looking.....Oh CRAP! They are in the glove compartment of Chase's truck! And he is probably almost to Decatur by now! Luckily, I have a wonderful friend, Jamie, who has a wonderful husband who graciously got out of bed to come get me and take me to work. You might be thinking that this was the worst part of my day but really it wasn't. Nope. The hits just keep on comin. I call my sweet husband to tell him I made it to work because he called me three times just to check on my status in the 10 minute ride from home to work. While talking to him on my phone in the hall, my boss walks by me. I smile, she blinks and keeps on walking. I go to the locker room to change into my scrubs. And I realize then that in my jeep is my bag with my badge, gear and most importantly, my ever-so-stylish printed scrub hat. So I have to wear a generic, disposable hat. About six people asked me if I was sick or feeling bad today which means that I look like crap. And I get stuck doing cases with the O.R.'s least favorite surgeon. Everyone's little quirks wore me out! To top it off, I am on call for surgery and I don't have a vehicle if I get called back in!

So, now after complaining about my day so much I want to share with you what got me throught the day. More texts. I could make a whole blog on just what great text messages I get from my sweet family.

First from the sweet husband:

him: Hows ur day. Glad i got u a car (he borrowed a truck for me from another paramedic that was working a 24 at the hospital where I work)

me: Kinda sux. Hard going from having everyone together all weekend 2 going home alone tonight. But tomorrow's ur birthday and thats exciting

him: Im sorry 4 leavin u 2 nite

me: O its ok. Had 2 b done. And i am glad u were able 2 work today instead of yesterday.

him: I know luv

him: I want 2 hear ur voice

of course I called him right away...

Now for the offspring...

girls: I love you so much i love you alot

me: I love you so so so much and i miss you

girls: No i miss you more and sorry i mjssed your mejg i love you (I am typing it as they do)

me: You girls are so stinkin cute

girls: No your cute

So there you have it. Get's me through the day. And makes it all worthwhile.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

This is just an example of an average work day when I am at work and Chase is upstairs in the hospital and working on the helicopter. Here are a couple of our texts:

me: I am about to scrub in so will be out of pocket. Hope you have a good day and i luv u.

him: K i luv u. We r gonna go burn some gas. They gave 2 much. I luv u my beautiful

me: Awww i feel much better after our talk the other night. Be safe. U r my life.

him: Ok my luv. U my forever

We have these kind of exchanges every day. I love it. I was having a low-self-esteem day a couple of days ago and feeling really insecure about things. Mostly my age...I am older than him by 3 years and without sounding too vain I get insecure about it at times. I never thought I would be the girl who was concerned with aging but I suddenly am. And honestly it makes me really sad. But I have a wonderful husband who loves every wrinkle.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Today was July 4th and Chase and I couldn't spend it together because he was working on the helicopter (he is a paramedic for and air-ambulance service). We had big plans to sit on the roof of the hospital where the helicopter lives right now and watch fireworks and eat dinner together but duty called for him and he didn't get back from saving lives until after 10pm so I settled for just having a very late dinner in the office so he could finish his charting. He walked me out to the jeep afterwards and we made out a little bit in the car as I drove him back around to the closest door. I really dig how he smells after he's had to go out on a call. He calls it "jet fuel" smell and it probably is but he just smells good to me. And I love how his hair that's usually styled up spiky in the front is laying down because he's had to wear his helmet. Somehow it makes him look more like a husband and less like a hottie. Let me re-phrase, he looks more like a hot husband and less like just a hottie and that just does something for me. And tonight he was freshly tan from spending the day at the lake with me yesterday. Beautiful man. I feel so lucky!