Thursday, November 5, 2009
I have been up and down today. I started a new job a little bit ago and I was pretty excited to go to a facility that I really like even if it is a little more of a challenge for me. And I hung in there pretty well most of the morning, even though I was struggling with my battle of stifling my insecurities about a certain recurrent issue lately (that's a whole other very unflattering blog). I definitely earned my money today at work and then hit horrible traffic on the way home so I had to call my neighbor and have her snag my children at the bus stop for a few minutes until I got home. And somehow during that commute a windfall of jealousy/depression/sadness/anger at myself for feeling all of the above came over me. I missed my husband. I wanted him to be home when I got home instead of working at his job that is at times hard for me to understand. It's the weirdest thing! At the same time that I completely adore him for what he does and he is a true hero in my eyes and I "get" that he has a very special gift that makes him capable of what he does, I struggle with the lifestyle and resent it for the time he is away and sometimes it is even difficult to deal with the people he spends that time with. Today was one of those days. So as I was driving, I get a text from my husband that he was going to be flying directly over me within minutes. So I pulled over and watched for him and low-and-behold there he came over the horizon. I actually teared up when I saw him. We were texting each other. He saw me and I saw him. And I just needed that. Right then.