Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Role Reversal

I am in a new, different kind of situation than I would say about 95% of women, at least American women, are or have ever been in. I, sort of, play the role of the husbnd in my household. Let me explain...my husband works 24 hour shifts, but then has 72 hours off in between. I work Monday-Friday mostly daytime (very early daytime) hours. Since Chase has so much time off, he takes care of most of the cleaning around our house. He is here most mornings to get the girls ready for school. He cooks every meal (he's really good at that). And he waits on me hand and foot if I let him. Before I became pregnant, he would usually have a cocktail waiting on me when I came in the door. Now, I on the other hand, go to work very early in the morning. I am on my feet most of the day. I listen to all kinds of noise all day long, i.e. monitors beeping, people crying or moaning, laughter, griping, doctors yelling or play some horrible music in their procedure rooms...you get the idea. So, when I come home, especially now that I am pregnant and exhausted, I don't really like alot of noise. I really just want to eat and do nothing else. I want to eat alot these days. And I want to do nothing else alot these days! Oh, sure I help the girls with their homework and I do usually some sort of laundry every day but the rest of my house is always clean because Chase maintains it so well and there's not much else to do.

Most women would really love that scenario, right? And I do love it but I am starting to feel a little useless or at the very most, like a paycheck. Of course no one inflicts these feelings on me. But as a female, it's really hard to give up control over so many "female/wife/mother" roles in the house. Especially when I was responsible for all of it myself for soooooo long without any help whatsoever. At first it was great. Like a vacation. But now I am finding myself grumpy because I don't feel as important, that I am replaceable, and I can now identify with many husbands out there who complain about their wives and kids! For instance, if Chase and the girls have had some issue to resolve such as getting up in the morning and getting dressed and to school on time, I wasn't present that morning so I don't know what's going on and all I hear is Chase complaining to me about it or Chase and the girls complaining to each other about it and I just want to sit down and have dinner in peace and quiet! Doesn't that sound like most of your husbands?!! It's crazy! I feel like my first marriage taught me how to be a good wife (too good) and now this marriage is trying to teach me how to be a good husband! Next thing you know, my family will be looking for me at the bowling alley after work!!

Now I said all this at the risk of sounding completely ungrateful for all of the blessings I have in my life. The truth is I wouldn't trade one second of it for anything else in the world. And maybe I am just emotional right now because I am pregnant. Maybe I have valid points. Probably a litte bit of both is the truth. Chase and I actually balance each other out and compliment each other quite well. Maybe I am just worried because we are having a baby and I am afraid that I won't mean as much to this baby as I did the girls because it's dad is going to be so much more involved than their dad was. It's awesome that our baby is going to have such an amazing father and there won't be a child more blessed in that aspect as ours will be. I just want to be there for our family too.

Why is it always so hard for women to balance a work life and a home life?

xoxo
luvy

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