Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Eli





So my last blog was a little heavy...things have been a little heavy around here for the last few weeks. My boss lost her daughter in a tragic accident (did I mention that already) and we have done some re-design at work that is good but a little stressful and my girls have been somewhat attrocious and my ex-husband has been extremely attrocious and I am growing very tired of watching a very good friend continuously make mistakes. So I am going to get all of that out of my system quickly so I can get on to the absolute best news of the entire day....my son's first "real" picture.

Malorie, 19, died in a tragic motorcycle wreck almost 2 weeks ago. I attended her funeral/memorial service. It was a beautiful service. The most beautiful I have ever seen. I thought about my life. I thought about what my memorial service would be like and how it would reflect on my life. I thought about the things that I make important in my life that really aren't. For example, not once in the memorial service or in hearing anyone talk about Mal or how she lived her life did anyone comment about her weight. She was a normal sized beautiful girl but I thought about how obsessed I have been with my weight my entire life and what a tiny detail that is in the grand scheme of things. I mean, as long as I am "healthy" what difference should it make? And I decided that I want to be cremated. Without a doubt. No casket for me. Chase can spread my ashes in the back yard and at our friends the Jackson's property in Bandera. The happiest times of my life have been spent in those two places. And if anyone takes the time to put together a slide show of my life, I would like them to set the pics of Chase and I to the song "feels like home" by Chantal Kreviazuk. I will have to think about a song for the kids because until this little boy was conceived I would've said "in my daughters eyes" by Martina McBride but now I have to incorporate my son. I would also like to donate everything that they can. And I don't think my husband wants to be cremated so they can have a double headstone for Chase & I and bury some of my ashes there.

Work...I don't feel like elaborating on that right now. It's actually going really good.

The girls...they are getting better...just had to remind them who is in charge.

The ex...not wasting two seconds more on that subject.

The friend...it's like watching a friend do drugs or something. She binge drinks then hates herself for it. She can't drink without losing control. It's frustrating to watch. And she asks for advice but never takes it and I am getting tired of giving advice that is falling on deaf ears.

Now to my handsome baby boy...he looks just like his daddy...at least in the sonogram picture today. And he is apparently a big boy. Already 2 lbs 2 oz and measuring almost 2 weeks ahead of his due date. His legs look long. I wanted a little mini Chase and it looks like that's exactly what I am going to get. I will post pictures comparing them.

xoxo
luvy

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