Wednesday, September 8, 2010

working mom

Today was my second full day back at work and I must say I was a little bit energized by the mental stimulation. I was very frustrated...but I won't elaborate on that. Eli went to the baby sitter for his first full day. I think she loves him. I think he will love her too. Tomorrow he's back with his daddy all day. I am jealous and relieved at the same time. Jealous, of course, of the time the two of them will spend together. And relieved that he has such a "hands on" dad that is willing and excited to take on the challenge of caring for him all day long, without complaint or agitation. I am also relieved every time I get a text or phone call asking me a question about Eli's care because it lets me know that I am still the expert caregiver...for now.

I almost feel like I am a Christmas package that someone at a fancy department store got all ready because it had something really spectacular inside of it. Like a really, really nice gift bag. Because I feel like I am the wrapping outside of this amazing little gift that I was able to give my husband. It almost feels like what I can imagine a surrogate mom feels. Of course, he is MY baby too but I feel like I had him just FOR Chase. And the other thing I feel that is completely unique to this child that I did not feel with the girls (possibly because neither of them were really "planned" or because I never had the kind of spousal love for their dad that I have for Chase) is that Chase and I were brought together just to have this little man. Believe me, I loved our life before him and I never had a sense of being incomplete in any way and I really don't feel like he "completed" us. I just think that he is going to grow up to be amazing and that it was our responsibility to get him here. I know that is sooo cheesy but there's something about this one. I love all three of my babies more than words and none more than another but each of them have a distinction about them. Bailee is very poised and really always has been. She carries herself well and presents herself very well. Autumn is the free-spirit that is smarter than she actually gives herself credit for. She is also the one that I feel I need to protect the most. And sweet Eli already has this old soul look about him when you look at his little eyes. My friend Regina said when he was two weeks old that "he already looks like he is somebody".

This really wasn't the direction I thought this blog would go but oh well!


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