Tuesday, September 28, 2010

working mom

Why is it so hard to be a working mom? Why is it that the dads can go to work and fill fulfilled that he is doing the right thing for the family without a twinge of guilt but I start to feel like crap the minute I back out of the driveway, if not before. From the second I wake the girls up and start rushing them along and cursing under my breath the tangles in their hair and why can't Autumn just go one day without struggling with me over her clothes, shoes, getting her planner signed the night before...to the moment I lay them down at night and say their prayers (also rushing because I still have things I need to get done before I can go to bed so that maybe, just maybe I won't be so rushed the next morning). Speaking of needing to get things done...I pause this blog for a moment to text the babysitter begging her to watch Eli on Thursday because I don't think I will be able to work from home as I had hoped AND my husband has a work obligation that he will do guilt-free.

{Insert elevator music here}

Ok, I'm back. Now please don't think I am bashing my husband in any way because he is the best at what he does. I'm sure his boss would clone him if he could. Chase is also the best dad I've ever known. Not only does he take care of our son all day long, toting him to Lowe's, Wal-mart, Papa-Ro's house to mow the lawn, etc, but he also takes care of the girls that aren't even biologically his AND he smiles the whole time AND still puts FABULOUS meals on the table every night. (Don't even get me started on the homemade chicken pot pie he made last night! I am salivating just thinking about it!) I am just jealous how men seem to know their place in the family without self-loathing for having to sacrifice this or that.

I have always felt "called" to be a nurse and I know that I have a talent for my profession. And I was definitely called to be a mother. But I haven't found that happy balance between the two. Maybe I never will. Maybe this is some curse because of Eve and the damn apple right there along with painful childbirth, menstruation and hairy legs! I don't know the method behind the madness but I know the frustration I feel almost every night when I think I could've been better to my children than I was that day. That I wish I had taken just 60 more seconds to tell them that they are my life. Maybe tomorrow...

xoxo,
Luvy

2 comments:

  1. You deserve to be applauded. I don't know how working moms do it, seriously. It's not as if you surrender your responsibilities as a mom the moment you join the workforce again.

    So cheer up dear. Not only are you saving lives, you're also giving your kids the a good financial future because of this sacrifice.

    *dropping by from TheBump app :) Feel free to follow my blog at www.theteethingmom.com

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  2. Awww thank you so much! I'm gonna check out your blog as well!! We gotta stick together!

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