Thursday, March 24, 2011

Back Fat

I just had a semi-reassuring moment. While looking in the mirror completely naked after a bath, I was frowning at my "back fat"...two rolls or more like flaps of skin that hang somewhere near the bottom of my rib cage along the flank of my back. The bright, shining moment came when I realized that as I pulled my pancake boob upward and inward, the back fat went away.

You may be wondering why this is a good thing.

Turns out all I need is boob lift instead of a boob lift AND liposuction on my back. This would save me money.

And pain.

Now...I just need that boob lift!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

To My Valentine

I'm a couple of days behind, but it's my days off when I am alone with just my son that I am reminded the most of how much I completely adore my husband. It starts by him waking me up to tell me he is leaving for work (a 24 hour shift) and he smells so fresh and clean. He rubs and kisses my head then sets the alarm for 10 minutes later so I can doze back off even though it's really time to get the girls up for school. Once the girls are off, I enjoy my coffee that he's made and take a few minutes for myself before Eli wakes up. I watch programs he has DVR'd for me when I was working or return emails, jump on the elliptical, etc. Then that sweet child that is a mini-me of my husband wakes up and brightens my day. We snuggle while he drinks his morning bottle and I rub his little fuzzy head and awe at how his hair falls exactly like his daddy's. I get busy with laundry, lunch and chores when Eli goes down for his noontime nap and it's then that it really hits me how much I miss Chase. I pick up laundry that smells so yummy and notice that a pair of his jeans should now be put on his "work clothes" shelf because they are getting worn thin in places. This makes me smile. Then I make our bed and get sad because I know I will be sleeping in it alone tonight and hoping and praying that if he doesn't get to sleep through the night without a call, then at least God keep him safe. I make myself a plate of whatever fabulousness he created the night before for dinner. I throw the empty bottle of wine that we finished off when I got home from work in the trash and smile about how we bought it this weekend because it was the same wine that we were each a glass into Thanksgiving 2009 when I suddenly remembered I had a pregnancy test that I needed to take and we discovered we had created our child. I go outside to bring up the trash can that he so kindly took out to the curb this morning before he left for work. I remind myself to take a "before" picture of the front of the house because by this time next week he will have the trim completely repainted and looking as fantastic as the backside of the house looks after his last two days of labor. Then I am reminded of how well he provides and maintains for me and our family. So then I text him to tell him how much I miss him and I get a text back that says "I miss you more my luvy". So I text him about what his son is doing and what I am trying to accomplish and that I love him and he says "Ok my darlin. I luv you more." And now I am staring at a pile of his laundry and I've never been so happy and moved in all my life by a variety of colors of men's hanes boxer briefs or by how amazing I think he looks in that thermal knit faded red long-sleeved shirt that is hanging next to the washing machine.

Never in my life have I given my heart so completely to another person. Children don't count. They take your heart. But to Chase I give mine freely. Only 17 hours and 20 minutes until I can see him again!


Saturday, January 29, 2011

Time Marches On

Today marks one month until I turn 35. I have been dreading this all year. I used to think that I would be totally cool about growing older. That I would welcome the wisdom that comes with experience and that I would embrace my wrinkles and "seasoning". I very much appreciate the beauty that I see in middle-aged and older women. But I went off and married a younger man and started living for the first time in my life and I want to hold on to every second!!

And then something really bad happened. Within a week of weaning my sweet baby off the breast, I found a lump. Actually I didn't find it. My husband did. Since I had just stopped breastfeeding I thought it was probably just a duct that had hardened or clogged. But it was painless and larger than I was comfortable with. I decided to wait it out and see if it reduced or disappeared altogether. It hasn't. So the day my son turned 6 months old, I went to see my doctor. And now I wait 3 more days and I will have my first mammogram and breast ultrasound. And possibly a needle biopsy. And I am not looking forward to it. I am scared and strangely calm at the same time. I could go on and on about all of the emotions I am experiencing. But I will save it for my Wednesday blog after I have had all of the testing done.

Just a fact I discovered for those of you that don't know, 1 in 8 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. One thing I have going for age. In the world of breast cancer, 34 going on 35 is still considered very young! I'll hold onto that.